Her Motives…

I have returned to a life once known by she
entering into another being
experiencing some other reality

a sort of romance

I admired her for all she achieved. She grew up nurtured by hostility and bitter disappointments, learning to appreciate the sublime beauty of chaos.To overcome such severe colors and build a life that defied all negative equations was a miracle I was fortunate to marvel over. Her experiences overshadowed the generous choral nature that life offers with a suspicious haze and a shade of guilt. Everyone had an ulterior motive.

When a former boss invited her spend the day with her family at the beach she fretted over why anyone would include her in their company. She wondered if she’d done something wrong or if the motives behind her invite spelled some nefarious outcome. She simply couldn’t resign to the concrete result of her embodiment in other’s lives…that the people she’d formed relationships with truly admired and adored her.

Then there was me. The essence of love I held for her became some abstracted orientation…

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I see RED, and I can’t see at all

Patterns of thought;

I feel loved and unaccepted

tolerated and rejected.

I see red, and can’t see at all.

My verse is short

My fuse is fragile

I see red, and can’t see at all.

Patterns………

where they lead me.

Solutions of Insanity

Pathways to Serenity

I see red, and can’t see at all.

Spying escape from myself

I tear away my mask.

I see red, and I can’t see at all.

My Fans shred away my inhibition.

I walk in submission

Head Held High

eyes turned down

TAKING OFF MY CROWN

Photo-0322

The torture of silence brews in fear of not being acknowledged.

Oad to the world

I AM ALREADY DEAD!

Oad to the world

my time spent plundering

a treasure never mine……

Oad to you.

It is getting quite cold in here

death is

cold……dark, the darkest kind of cold; rooted to

DESIRE…..’desire for life’

sex

friendships

IMMORTALITY 

LOVE

Dreams of a (PIL) Perfect Imagined Live

gains courage

…….TO DESTROY

I am on this journey knowing one thing only….(that I don’t know MUCH)

That I get stuck

I get  mugged

I desire blood.

ONE THING CERTAIN…..

…..

Much time spent

playing ignorant!

My uncontrollable plight

I beg for the night

I wake with horrid fright

I tremble at the sight of my moment to moment strife

Guided by a force unknown

I look to the tools the Universe has shown

My past and future are my present

Like a Christmas in November……

except it is October.

My red turns to bright pinks and purples

I have NO PEARL

I am but MAN

Seeking to understand……

HOw to let go .And let God

Amen

Anyone whom admits defeat is a friend of mine. I am powerless over people, places and things today!

Cheers!

Happy Friday as well!!!

Spinning Out

SHOUT

SHOUT

SHOUT ALL OUT!!!!  this time (present life), in space

I co-create

Hesitate

fear my fate

validate

radiate

progressively relate.

A special shout out to all you birds out there.  Watch out for the crazy cats!!

Meow………..

Looking for my people and am rediscovering a ‘treasure chest’ as my dear friend  http://dianereedwiter.wordpress.com/shares, “I feel as if I found a treasure chest finding you again”

May we continue to discover and re-discover!!

Working it out

Guitar numbness

Awesomeness

Healing

Observing Creative Date
The Season won’t wait
Putting on hold all my social events
Observing exercise daily
Letting go and letting GOD
Observing the Creator in me
Spending time with family
Bicycling
Meditating
Clearing out space
Acting humbly
Plant a fig tree

‘Sunday Gravity’

A traditional feast.

 Looking forward to spring.

The Winter Equinox .

The Moon.

 Showers of abundant prosperity .

 Receiving the Universe Energy.

Growing and sprouting

Feeding the valley

My roots unknown

yet

connected and honed in

Silent

listening

Stars

glistening

Creating traditions

with

my

New Family

Everything is nothing ; nothing is something; We are different and the same; same but yet different.

Each moment offers up an opportunity to create your PIL (Perfect Imagined Life).  Either the number 23 means something to you OR it doesn’t.  The power, in my mind’s eye, is beyond this reality.  Acceptance is key, for me!

WOW, I do that sometimes.  Talk in code; only I understand it.

Does a falling tree make a noise if no one is around to hear it?  

Does anyone really get that?

Saturday ‘Squezze Me’

Looking for activities which connect me with my true nature.

Health and Happiness result from being in harmony with our own nature, and doing the work for which we are individually suited.

Dr. Bach’s Philosophy

Scleranthus is an insecurity flower,

communicating to me

Hopefully I see….BUT if not

the compensation flower use, is key.

To Me,

this place would be

reliable;

in calming my mind.

Soothing my anxiety.

Fulfilled?……

Satisfied?…..

with what the moment IS ‘presently’

War wages down, all round.

Consciencely, looking to keep my relationships sound.

“Wishing us a prosperous day”

Many times I will say, “May you be prosperous in your day…..”

Keep on doing it…..

lets BE

doers’

‘shakers’

(pause)…………

……………………..

……….AND MOVERS

My three page free verse is half full.

Sending myself to school.

Rebecca once shared, “Write your way to happiness.”

Embrace despair,

grow out my hair!?

Another encouraging voice,

a whispering choice.

(speaks possibility), “Everything imagined is Your perfect imagined reality”

“Everything written plants a seed of prosperity”

I will chant my way to prosperity.

I open my mind to possibility.

Hold on to Joy

Be OK with Me

Turn away from tragedy,

BE FREE

BE FREE ; Creatively;

healthy sexuality;

abandon negativity; Do Not Toy with Me !

I am nearly there

Rushing through my anxiety;

using

‘lemon balm tea’,

apple cider vinegar ‘tottie’

with a bit of ‘honey’

PeAcE

 

PIMP me through the portal…..I will bring U bread and water

We did this together.  My sweet heart of past,

there is pain and darkness, there is work that can be done which gets me out of evil.  It is the writing.  Here I am!! Raw Sleep deprived, nutritionally deprived, Feeling better than before. Making a path through the darkness.  Finding out secrets I already knew.  New because they are mine.  these secrets are mine

Starting a fresh

Open flood gates

Leaving the weak hearted weeping for the unknown to transform

(to know)

How this started is more than what I currently understand.  Or, how this ordeal wins , as I write, changing me, (transforming/awakening) .  Make no mistake, the Universe has provided me with, yet another season of sprouts, marigolds and much more,,,,and it’s not even summer.  Technicolor !!!

A flood of healing which amounts to a revelation already known character treats. 

PIMP : A pimp can never be trusted.  iN this case, ONLY IF YOU ARE A MAN

I see once again, I do not owe him anything.  He informed me of that when I called in tears, just know, expressing my gratitude for his enduring me during my years of ‘using’.  Nearly six years have passed with no attempt to contact. For obvious reason.  One being, Pog is 25 years on me.  If I had of stayed longer than I did, (We played house for 5 years) I would not be enjoying my life with justice for ALL!!  ANYWAY

Mostly, if Pog hears from ME….there is something wrong.  And to my understanding there IS.  

My bro is likely in prisoned for life.  My father and I are…..well, we are ???? Peacefull….yes peacefull.  The emptiness I feel with my bro and father have been brewing since the begging.

I don,t know…..ask, Carl Young.

Pog is a man.  A man with many talents.  Our talk lasted 20-25 minutes.  All the while Chad, was with me .  With me all the way.  From the moment I got the message from mutual friend that Pog suffered multiple strokes, total rehabilitation of speech, holding bowls.  This guy is Pog, my sweetheart before Chad.

I am who I am because of my choices/ and I am proud to be living a sober life today.  Thank you GOD

With his tone he slithered his tail up my skirt.  No luck that I was wearing hosiery.  He found his way between my legs with heat of a diamond back basking on a hot summer day.  I natural looking to Chad, for he has been with me (No secrets), he felt the energy turn from Fatherly Role to: PIMP!!

Pod asked me if I was FAT!!

Wouldn’t he like to know…..HA.  The type of girl I am, I would like to tell him all about it.  This character, whom I call ‘Roxy’, is saved by her Knight in Glorified Union w/ my Newly Realized Blessed Life . AMEN

THE PUZZLE

The ordeal to overcome has a unique key which yields to an open heart, till then, floods rush

emotions expelled like unwanted water in a drown victim

Look in the depth, where the hiden eyes revealing itself in the abstract clues of the universe