Her Motives…

I have returned to a life once known by she
entering into another being
experiencing some other reality

a sort of romance

I admired her for all she achieved. She grew up nurtured by hostility and bitter disappointments, learning to appreciate the sublime beauty of chaos.To overcome such severe colors and build a life that defied all negative equations was a miracle I was fortunate to marvel over. Her experiences overshadowed the generous choral nature that life offers with a suspicious haze and a shade of guilt. Everyone had an ulterior motive.

When a former boss invited her spend the day with her family at the beach she fretted over why anyone would include her in their company. She wondered if she’d done something wrong or if the motives behind her invite spelled some nefarious outcome. She simply couldn’t resign to the concrete result of her embodiment in other’s lives…that the people she’d formed relationships with truly admired and adored her.

Then there was me. The essence of love I held for her became some abstracted orientation…

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Saturday ‘Squezze Me’

Looking for activities which connect me with my true nature.

Health and Happiness result from being in harmony with our own nature, and doing the work for which we are individually suited.

Dr. Bach’s Philosophy

Scleranthus is an insecurity flower,

communicating to me

Hopefully I see….BUT if not

the compensation flower use, is key.

To Me,

this place would be

reliable;

in calming my mind.

Soothing my anxiety.

Fulfilled?……

Satisfied?…..

with what the moment IS ‘presently’

War wages down, all round.

Consciencely, looking to keep my relationships sound.

“Wishing us a prosperous day”

Many times I will say, “May you be prosperous in your day…..”

Keep on doing it…..

lets BE

doers’

‘shakers’

(pause)…………

……………………..

……….AND MOVERS

My three page free verse is half full.

Sending myself to school.

Rebecca once shared, “Write your way to happiness.”

Embrace despair,

grow out my hair!?

Another encouraging voice,

a whispering choice.

(speaks possibility), “Everything imagined is Your perfect imagined reality”

“Everything written plants a seed of prosperity”

I will chant my way to prosperity.

I open my mind to possibility.

Hold on to Joy

Be OK with Me

Turn away from tragedy,

BE FREE

BE FREE ; Creatively;

healthy sexuality;

abandon negativity; Do Not Toy with Me !

I am nearly there

Rushing through my anxiety;

using

‘lemon balm tea’,

apple cider vinegar ‘tottie’

with a bit of ‘honey’

PeAcE

 

Le.t.go ….click

spend my life getting validation through means of sexuality.  Touch is sexual in nature.  On a scale, sexuality

  • how many decisions/actions, words, thoughts,…. were lined up/ creating a shared reality with another human?

 

I was set to blast out the front door, first thing this morning.  While engaged in our morning rituals/getting right with GOD, I felt a ‘energy shift’!  I am not clear as to how my history has brought me here (I am a product of my environment).   Within that environment I am a conscious participant, making choices/creating/destroying//////grieving/fighting/allowing/understanding/

My emotions like a revolving door

Each of us has a history (a story), an environment which has influenced our beliefs.  Within Me is a little girl.  Validated in inappropriate manners.  (A child needs/HUMANS NEED touch to survive.  Touch is sexual in nature. )

My mix up//////between you and I….and everyone else listening, this is a time to understand something about ourselves.

Our experiment with abstinence has shown me something.  NOT ON IT’S OWN, I suspect!!!

If it wasn’t for my environment, (past and present/day and night) this alignment would not be my reality…..AND i do Love my Life today!!  I am

Why did I outwardly try to fight in my adolescence?

in fact, I am knowing this much…..

The resentment I hold against my father is one we almost all hold against our parents.

Deepest Resentment, I see thus far:

  • The lack of positive feelings between my father and I.  Most of our relationship is distracted from the deeper truths.  Religion, Love, Self-worth, Validation; to name a few relevant connections/understandings.  The use of drugs and alchool, Infidelity, Dishonest, Abusive.

Taking time to acknowledge our children is critical for our future.  My future ?

Depends on my feelings about my past.

 

BoxMeUp 1…2….3…bing

Time with men

Time with women

Time with elders

Time with children

I do not fully understand why all of these make sense to me.  I did not read this anywhere.  No one said this to me.  I DISCOVERED IT THROUGH EXPERIENCing (perceived perception).  My box is a different box than your’s.  The geometric and color.  Some might embellish a sued or velvet lining.

Our boxes, ‘the box’ we all create for ourselves looks, smells, taste, sounds (the same BUT different.  In general we ALL put ourselves in a box of beliefs.  Specifically, our boxes will have the same objects in different places.  This box is ever evolving change.  Nothing in my house stays the same.  Well……the kitchen and the bathroom never move.  The rest of the house is fair game.  I love my little ‘adobe hut’

I need to ‘VENT  my BOX’

“ACKWARD” more like corny: ‘Vent my Box’ ……..OR……. Horny ??

How do spending time with people of all ages and ethnic culture help me be a better ME ?  I like this balance.  And hope to elaborate at a later date (that is if you  are interested?) my experience with giving time to each of these groups of people.  Enough time to see something (truth)/which sometimes doesn’t take very long, in retrospect !!

Clues are everywhere (inside us and ALL around us) OF US !!

I have found a way to be around ‘anyone’

I play reporter 🙂  Pen and paper allows me to communicate through AND TOO.  Too Who?  To the Universe baby 🙂

grandpa/elder

 

son

 

men

 

women

 

men and women.

AND THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT MY THOUGHTs?  (Helps me better understand how to align with my desires)  The emotions behind my thoughts reveal the deeper truth about ‘ME”

There are those who would ‘GREATLY BENIEFET FROM GROUP ACTIVITIES’ !!

I have entertained/given energy to thoughts of working with ‘Veterans of War’.

Mental Health wants me real bad 🙂 Not only as a patient BUT….they have offered training for a ‘Peer Counselor’ (Basically, some one-off the streets who has found joy in a sober life).  That is MY short version

And on with the music & breath & let go

‘Tool Bag’ Tuesday

I have considered creating a dark alter/exercising my expression of anger in a progressive manner, IF THAT IS POSSIBLE.

WHY DARK?

Darkness has come over me gradually.  I was not born with dark thoughts.  Our minds unconsciously entertain moments of despairing loneliness.  (We become consciously aware of ourselves with the help of contrast in life.  We know better what we want when we understand what it is we don’t want.)

WHAT IS IT THAT I WANT?

So as to not focus or harness the dark arts I have chosen to seek exercises which bring me closer to my desires.  Desire peace of mind and good will to man…AND MUCH MORE!

MUCH MORE……channeling energies to create magic in my life.

What do I do when the creative energy is stirring?

Create a ‘tool bag’ FULL-up with feel good focus on what I am aligning with the most.  Your going to like this.   Every time you mention or think of something you want to align with, Write down your (PILL) Perfect Imagined Life List.  Every time you mention or think of something for or on the list, write it down and tally mark it.  

My list: Apron sewing project, making my retro furniture, Mr. Lincolns Halloween costume….for example, I could choose to work on each project when I think of it.  If you touch it you get to move it….where to?  Hopefully where it belongs.  Trash is trash.  Attention to trash long enough to get rid of it, and hopefully it isn’t for too long.  Make room for a Newly Realized You (NRY).

We all have ambition.  The birth of a manic phase holds magic.  I need to bring that magic with me through the cycle of depression.  CUZ IT CONTINUES TO COME.  Bipolar/ Manic Depressive 2

When I am in a manic state (I consider this state an observation of the creative self-motivated (outward) and inspired (inward) self.  Any and All of Us already possess creative expression.  Life is a creative expression.

BEWARE depression

I have a ‘tool bag’ to combat/sooth.

Here it is:  When I am feeling good, for example, while I was skimming ‘VERANDA’ magazine I became emotionally charged with some of the eye candy that aligned with my dreamy desires.  I could create a ‘Dream Poster’.  I actually have done that before.  I wonder how they would match up today?!

When I am feeling down I need to have something strong enough to keep me working to achieve goals.  When depressed we lose sight/life doesn’t feel worth living.  We forget about our goals and ambition.

Focusing on a list-list all the things which come to mind when you are feeling good.  I want to have a base station and a cb radio for the car.  How will I achieve this?  I might show up at the Amateur Radio Club, for starters.   

WHY LIGHT?

Law of Attraction states I will attract that which I continue to give energy.  My support for the dark alter would be in special circumstances.  Addressing the injustice done is essential to the recovering process.

Displacement of anger is used when the ‘tool bag’ is half empty/half full; it doesn’t rally matter.  If we don’t use the tools needed for the job-job getting us to resign our position against life.  A tool can only be as good as the manipulation I tweak it with.  I mean, what works for me may not be the best approach for You.  So Tweak It a Bit!

What are some tools in Your ‘tool bag’ ?  What sort of exercises help you align with your desires?

PeAcEoUT

Slick and Cool

Some days of mania keep me from schedule/goal

Giving myself the freedom/permission to go with it

Steady going all day, getting back on my feet

Off to make an apron for my girlfriends wedding gift….TOMORROW 🙂

More on mania?

We all like it when life feels good 🙂  And for it to end would mean something less (When I feel depressed life doesn’t seem worth living…BUT THAT’S RUBISH RIGHT NOW!)  

WHY?

I’m going to ride it/ follow my ambitions for creativity.

Wishing everyone a splendid weekend!!  May we be joyous and free