left hook

He sees me in my dreams

Walking with courage tucked in his sleeve

Fast Speed

Destiny Tree

In Harmony

His face leaving no trace

Graced

misplaced

Laced

This be a fine place

stop NOT

lead SHOT

Haywood left the house

Eagle courage caught the mouse

Snow cap didn’t go deep blue

TRUE

I’m a keeper

beepers

creepers……………

‘Tool Bag Tuesday’ Sliding Scale

Negativity sticks, like mud !!!

The moment a negative stance on life sits next to me

Why do people ask for the Universe to provide and then turn their noses up to the answered prayers ?

I will keep on keeping on.  Rooting for those who have the desire to ‘know for themselves’.  I will Love them, even when they can not love themselves.  The level of connection limited.  The power of the position will determine the outcome.  For example;  If a woman and her position against her husband is strong enough she has the power to end the marriage.  Her position against life awaits the next victum.  Not always the case…..just ‘one case’.  There are many forces that work out side of our control.  The only control I have ?  I seek control over my mind.  BETTER YET, I seek gentle kindness to all living beings (including myself).

Depending on the strength of opposition,  the situation is sometimes recoverable.  (Luckily MOST HUMANS get tired/need rest.  After which time we can try again.) Getting chances over and over and over again/ a lifetime of moments leading up to the ‘BIG….BERY BIG, ‘MOMENT’ ???  The last moment of detachment to this life/death.

The world gets a break.

The Universe can communicate to us in our dreams.

Healing energies tapped into at the fourth level of relaxation (Alpha Level).    Deep relaxation allows the mind to heal the body.

Reference YOU THE HEALER Jose Silva and Robert B. Stone

Manic Monday

Telly reassured my score as a wife and mother.  Her verbal approval of Our Marriage is rare, especially from a Young Women from a split up family.  She has more of a chance with her future than her parents did.  By choices that they made.  Our chances of changing our lives is strengthened by our parents mistakes.  We can love them, for they are our parents.  They took on a life altering situation by agreeing to take part in parenting.

BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKES…..We don’t need to make the same waste of time ‘staying high’  on what ever it is that takes them away from self-awareness/and learning gentle kindness toward themselves.  

For many years, I played out the role my addict mother chose.  Some how I felt closer to her.  The world was definitely a better place when my mother was spreading love.  She passed away when I was 10.   I discovered, with the help of my hubby,  I didn’t need ignorance bliss in my experience.  My mom was unavailable for my brother and I.  AND, this was not the life worth living.  My pity for her.  I didn’t want to be better than her.  I was making sure of that when I used Meth, Sex, or anything else used out of proportion.

Telly:  “You guys should stay to together always.  You are ‘Dynamite Couple”

Telly’s dad (Mr. Lincolns PaPa), took time out from work to raise the children, while mother worked from 7 to 7 .  She was unable to be present and still struggles with her relationships (by her choice).  Some people are said to be born that way, unavailable emotionally/ emotionally out of control.

I only know that I was Not……..born that way.  I am not accepting ‘ignorant is bliss’.  I continue to be interested in a balanced life.  An appropriate placement of emotions.  A time and place for ‘everything’.

Within the moments of unfolding life there are opportunities for MANY ROLES for one to choice to play.  A well orchestrated social performance allows for us ALL to get a taste of  ‘center stage’ if You will.

God Knows What’s Up

I remember thinking!  NO…..I REMEMBER KNOWING!!  I was a Meth junky, 2 years in….maybe.  I remember knowing that I could have a Life worth living.  Blessed I am with a healthy body and mind.  I  have a communicative relationship with my Angels’.  More than I used to, and not always tuned in when I would like to be.   

WHEN ?

My girlfriend asked, ‘When?”  I naturally, without effort, ” Sooner than Later / Before but After “

My interpretation;  Soonerthan later (You can count on me)  Before but After (Before dark but after dinner)

Do You have any tags for Sooner than Later/ Before but After ?

Come Play with Me

Peace be with You, courage becoming your own positive emotional provider.  Truth is, I am in control of that at-LEAST-in control of the thoughts I choose to follow.  I can create thought and reveal a kinder Me!

Hope you enjoy my attempted in coherently expressing my insight.  I realize my biggest problem, WANTING TO CONTROL MY ENVIRONMENT (people, climate; to name a few).  In this poem I am seeing myself as the Dictator I prove to be…..at times attempting to console this character, I use coping skills (hence, Tool Bag) Breathing, Distraction, Thought Awareness are some of the things I tried thus far!

I am on my way to accepting completely.  This day is really just a dream.  But in this dream I am the conscious observer. Thanks for indulging me.  

Raging war

keeping score.

Dictating with intention

never in the kitchen.

Character bleeds for attention

justifies her ambition.

Seeking consoling from aggression

my current plight KNOWS NOT submission.

Tool Bag of my prized possessions

abstract/physical means of relaxation

Knee pads for the humble

Paintbrush for the speaker

Silence for the wise

I just attended an AA meeting, accompanied a fellow addict. (Something I recently put back into my Tool Bag !!)

I pulled, out of my Tool Bag; a deep breath and deeper exhale.  The continued moments since have been similarly resisted.  My mind is indestructible.  This character is looking for something-something STRONGER (new belief about a thought/memory.  I am off to Mindfulness Co-Ed Group.

Smoothie Me September

How am I going to be ‘Smooth’ throughout my day?

I have a connection with tobacco for all my lie. The smokers in my family, I have never counted but can name a few. Grandmother, Great Aunts (2), Uncle, Father, Mothers all have had strong relationships with their tobacco.

On the way to school my dad would purposely smoke us out, chain-smoking with the windows up.  I moved in with a smoker shortly after high school and have been sparking it ever since.  I will be 32 in February.

Everybody knows the physical danger of tobacco use.  Carcinogen is any substance,radionuclides, or radiation that is an agent directly involved in causing cancer.  I am discovering a mental awakening. A way of life, my Perfect Imagined Life-where I am always maintaining a perfectly health body and mind. Sugar may be more poisonous than Nicotine! The smoke from burning tobacco is full of carsenagines. I do- not know the health risks of Nicotine.  Less than that of carcinogens, I suspect!

I am going to elaborate for a moment;

Only a smoker could understand how strong tobacco addiction is. A new life is ahead of me. I need something just as strong or stronger to Teleport me through the pain. I am not a smoker. I vape. Http://volcanoecig.com My favorite flavor is Coconilla Haze and Jungle Fruit. I smoked for 14 years. I have tried to quit, before discovering the e-cig. It is not the e-cig alone that will keep me from buying a pouch of tobacco. I’ve had the e-cig for months now.

What is different this time?

I need things in my life I can do all day long and be all the better for it

What do we do now, that we are not smoking tobacco?

Well….that is what the next 30 day cool down is all about.

I will be blogging about my newly realized Perfect Imagined Life.   Sharing Power Points of my programming.  I am reprogramming my way of thinking and acting.I expect this to be a way of life. To many times I have tried dieting my tobacco use. I will always think of it as a new way of life (living for the appreciation of the moment). A liberated life where I get to observe and embrace.  This smoker was living for the next fix.  This non-smoker is living for the next fix!  Fix me up with things I can do everyday all day long and be all the better for it.

 

Power Points

  • Allow myself to be excited and interested in discovering life, without ‘specific attachments’.

I am enjoying a whipped coffee.  It is my 3rd one this morning!  I know coffee has an effect on my overall health.  Recently I have gone all day without coffee. (I was sick and drinking tea.)  Two-weeks of hacking and suffocating is just the beginning of my journey toward healing my body and mind.  I will always maintain a health body and mind!  I hear after 7 years my lungs will be renewed completely.

Without the clutch of tobacco I have more time on my hands.  I am taking a vow to use the next 30 days to research other perspectives on issues that I have questions.  I expect I will be reporting more on the physical routine I will be getting into.  I am going to prepare a self propelled research project and present it to the Mental-Health department.  I will be proposing they help me with my Perfect Imagined Life by Creating a job for myself.

My plan is ever-evolving….just like my expression of it here.

Summing it up

The next 30 days I will be looking at my expression of life in a new light.  I am looking at how I spend my time in all aspects of daily life.

My goals include reading/writing, dancing/crying, music/meditation, exercise/focus.

Join me for more later.

Peace out

 

 

Sunday Confessions….Will you let me out of here?!

The realization that I was the master creator was too much truth . From birth my parents where communicating to me, my confidence in myself-my power (fire inside) was not enough-not ???not to respect the power (fire inside, related to our kitchen) from within (the desire to receive validation for my emotions was born)I was not ready to mature into an adult, taking notes and conducting research.  I didn’t know the first thing about how I would learn to love myself.  I was absolutely knowing I could no longer live like this (Running was no longer what I was going to align with and I was sure to die if I couldn’t escape my mind.)

Imagery lends a moment of recalled history.

My husband and I took to the road.  !800 miles of complete submission to one purpose. ‘Working through the awkward moments without walking away from one another. I mean, how many steps before you are really gone (left the building, indisposed)? The kind of gal I am, I would be thinking it (plotting and planning my EXIT). I would be gone before I even got there. The likely hood of me being the first woman to break his heart is Highly Unlikely! My father was the first to break my heart! And……I am beginning to seriously consider if the relationship with my husband has any connection to the lack of emotional attachment my father exhibits.  Could his lack of interest in me be the reason why I insist on excessive validation from my husband? (I am the Master Creator of my Reality. I have the power to destroy and/or create……I am Creating while destroying-creating space for a fresh perspective.  I am Destroying while Creating-destroying the box in which I have found myself in (lack of perspective and understanding).

I am under the impression there are some things we don’t talk about with strangers. I would be correct in assuming you can keep this a secret?! I have walked out on my husband emotionally. Spit on, threatened, demoralized, cursed. I am a terrible addict.  I am enjoying the spare change I found at the bottom of my ashtray.

I see

I enjoyed my first puff of tobacco today. I mean, the last bit of crumbs at the bottom of the pouch rolled up into the finest tasting tobacco I had ever experienced. (After an extended fast the monk consumed some rice. In by doing so he discovered TRUTH.) I discovered TRUTH-truth is, no puff will ever be as good as my first Puff……Severn years of my life I chased after my first Meth High, never achieving the desired results.

I am attracting that which is like unto myself, what ever that means!

pEaCEoUt

Life above all else!

Life is happening for ALL of US!

Life is awaiting a fully realized and glorious expression of itself.

Try This

Herbie Hancock, Future Shock for a wake-up movement jam.  

Lifting weights to my moment

Looking to start a band

Practicing with no hands

The pain was

The force eating me up inside (opposing force is that strong and stronger; in order to teleport through the pain.  This happened when I became pregnant (teleported me out of myself, while, focusing my attention inside of myself).

Teleport through the pain.  As if the very experience causing the pain is held onto, we play with the pain until we are through and then we move through-searching for something better.  A place where we tend to the thoughts we have about ourselves.  A focus on the things we can do all day long and be the better for it.  For the moment to release ourselves of the confines of the world.   Extending our mindful experience to the bigger-stronger-deeper TRUTH!

For Me, in this moment of truth, I am harnessing the energy of the Universe and attracting that which is like unto myself.

I see one distraction which I can attach no longer.  For the pain is too Great.  The time spent justifying my use of tobacco is worthy of other expressions (attachments).  Empowerment awaits each moment of pure energy love expressed through my gratitude for life. (Through my focus and clarity I will align with that which I attract to myself.)

I am thinking and professing, “This is the best time of my life, thus far.  By letting go of the very thing that is causing me so much pain (All you smokers out there know about pain) I will always maintain a health body and mind.

Life is a dismal existence, being attached to tobacco.  The pain I speak of is only because of my attachment to the very thing holding me back from my perfect imagined life. Amen!?

Now I have the time and space in my mind for emptiness, focus, clarity, meditation…TIME WITH MY FAMILY.  I have the freedom to breath and rejoice in this great journey.

I am attracting that which is like unto myself, while the rest is only my history (NOT WHO I REALLY AM).  Not the beginning nor the end.  My moments filled with experiencing life for the ‘first time’ without the illusion that I need tobacco.

What I really want is to Live Forever!

If I am not living for the next fix than I can freely receive that which I truly want.  I want my perfect imagined life.  Think and I create.

I want to thank my WP family for consistent devotion to yourself ( ) and the courage to share it with me.  A family that writes together, reads together, loves together, crys together, laughs together-together we can heal.