Manic Monday

Telly reassured my score as a wife and mother.  Her verbal approval of Our Marriage is rare, especially from a Young Women from a split up family.  She has more of a chance with her future than her parents did.  By choices that they made.  Our chances of changing our lives is strengthened by our parents mistakes.  We can love them, for they are our parents.  They took on a life altering situation by agreeing to take part in parenting.

BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKES…..We don’t need to make the same waste of time ‘staying high’  on what ever it is that takes them away from self-awareness/and learning gentle kindness toward themselves.  

For many years, I played out the role my addict mother chose.  Some how I felt closer to her.  The world was definitely a better place when my mother was spreading love.  She passed away when I was 10.   I discovered, with the help of my hubby,  I didn’t need ignorance bliss in my experience.  My mom was unavailable for my brother and I.  AND, this was not the life worth living.  My pity for her.  I didn’t want to be better than her.  I was making sure of that when I used Meth, Sex, or anything else used out of proportion.

Telly:  “You guys should stay to together always.  You are ‘Dynamite Couple”

Telly’s dad (Mr. Lincolns PaPa), took time out from work to raise the children, while mother worked from 7 to 7 .  She was unable to be present and still struggles with her relationships (by her choice).  Some people are said to be born that way, unavailable emotionally/ emotionally out of control.

I only know that I was Not……..born that way.  I am not accepting ‘ignorant is bliss’.  I continue to be interested in a balanced life.  An appropriate placement of emotions.  A time and place for ‘everything’.

Within the moments of unfolding life there are opportunities for MANY ROLES for one to choice to play.  A well orchestrated social performance allows for us ALL to get a taste of  ‘center stage’ if You will.

God Knows What’s Up

I remember thinking!  NO…..I REMEMBER KNOWING!!  I was a Meth junky, 2 years in….maybe.  I remember knowing that I could have a Life worth living.  Blessed I am with a healthy body and mind.  I  have a communicative relationship with my Angels’.  More than I used to, and not always tuned in when I would like to be.   

WHEN ?

My girlfriend asked, ‘When?”  I naturally, without effort, ” Sooner than Later / Before but After “

My interpretation;  Soonerthan later (You can count on me)  Before but After (Before dark but after dinner)

Do You have any tags for Sooner than Later/ Before but After ?

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6 responses to “Manic Monday

  1. Good on you for having the strength to break the cycle of your mother. You sound like a wonderful Mum. That must have been a lovely affirmation to hear from Telly. I didn’t quite understand the last part about “Sooner than Later” though. 🙂

      • as kids we ask, “when will we get there, how much longer ??? One answer could be , ” we will get there, sooner than later. in the moment there is no time, no mind, or is it ?? I TAGGED THIS ON MY WALL, WHILE i WAS NESTING FOR THE HOME BIRTH. “NO MIND, NO TIME”

        Thanks for inviting me to share Jen. Friendly of You, and Personal. I like personal,

      • Well neither that’s neither her nor there….because soon we are here and at a moment later (a millisecond?) we could be there! Lots of love Jen xx

  2. My girlfriend often asks me to submit, in ways I am not willing to…..When I am in the moment I am not thinking about the when or how long / anticipating the arrival of the unknown.
    When I messaged her, SOONER THAN LATER, BEDFORE BUT AFTER, i am refusing to play into her attack (I think of any direct question as a POSSIBLE attack), when the question is directly related to ‘feel good’ connection, that is when I will like it the most.
    Sometimes, I push on a lever, as my friend is pushing on mine. It is always a choice I make. To-Be or Not-to-be…..conformative/untrue to myself and my boundaries.
    With ALL THAT IN MIND, I am not taking it personally. I adore my girlfriend, and by many of my understood efforts our relationship will last longer than without ‘ GREAT PURE EFFORT’ (another tag on my wall) A CHOICE TO BE WHAT THE SITUATION NEEDS,, looking for a dignified social event.
    One dignified social event: My mommy in law wanted me to take the stir fry home. Our plates were with rice and stir fry mixed. I was against the fresh food being mixed with my eaten off of plate. AND
    i FEEL QUITE STRONGLY ABOUT IT. I felt dignified in pushing on her lever to get what I wanted. SO LONG AS THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT BROKE FROM THE PRESSURE. UNLESS……ending the relationship is what you are going for.

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