Acknowledge what he has done with an attitude of acceptance and discovery. Re-direct, if necessary . (You can do this instead!) Sometimes the toddler only wants you to understand that he has been asking for you and this is the elevated state which has been needed to catch your attention. Due to your distractions, the child has been pushing on a lever, it has taken this much force to redirect your attention toward the Most Important (your family).
While I am Older and (sometimes) Wiser, I am also needing other elements to balance out a positive, progressive, respectful relationship with my toddler. I look forward to a Kinder, Stronger, Wiser way to communicate.
Positive in encouraging him to try new things. Giving him positive feed back about the boundaries and setting examples for him to imitate. Because it is known that children imitate what they see and how others respond to them.
- Early on, in infancy, we look to body language and tone inflections for comfort and security. How do the giants around us respond to our presence and demands?
- as toddlers, we are growing into our bodies and minds. By now, some things are very clear to us. Our parents are responsible for our first thoughts about life. As mature adults, we re-discover ourselves in the light and love which our parents lacked in embracing.
I am seeing a pattern in response to my toddler when he behaves as I would rather him not!
Some things I would rather he didn’t do:
- spitting food
I can pick my battles today. I wish to acknowledge what the child might be trying to say by spitting out the food, even if it was on the floor. Maybe the food was hot, bland, sour. Toddler is only 2 yrs. old. I take it for granted that I have forgotten the early experiences of discovering my world.
I want to communicate that I am interested in what he might be trying to tell mommy (Since his words are communicated through expressions of his emotions I will do well to refrain from emotionally reacting to his reactions toward life.) He will
2. raises his voice toward me when communicating
This is expected learned behavior. I wish to communicate an interest and invest the time it will take to communicate, ‘I am interested in your discoveries and available for you at any time you may be needing me.’ Where ever we are, we are allowed to remove ourselves from a situation in order to refocus our purpose (which is to be available to one another, no matter what is going on)
I am guessing that all children have desires to explore and discover boundaries, just like maturing adults. Maturity is a progression. It is up to me, as a parent, to facilitate a positive , safe environment for my child and I to develop our communication. Yes, through my relationship with my toddler I am learning about new ways to communicate. Discovering that which needs the most attention, how I respond (with a good attitude) to life.
You know whats not fair about being a kid?
I wouldn’t allow an employer, as an adult, to speak to me the way many parents speak to their child. As a child, my parents broke social boundaries. Sometimes our parents could learn a few things from our expression toward life. They could know that many parents, like their own, had failed in their relationships because lack of respect. Lack of self-empowerment as a child, repeating our parents mistakes; trying to control everything else around us, rather than taking control and ownership of our own emotions toward life.
How does one find the time to respect others in their expression of life?
I am understanding everyone has their own ideas about child rearing and I respect that. In fact, I want to know more about the knowledge collected in regards to raising up the future. I am learning from others perspectives. The Happiest Toddler on the Block is among many DVD’s on the market.
I am setting out to discover what others have discovered about the roles of parents and children. How am I going to communicate with my children, in a way they will feel loved and encouraged to explore the world around them? How do I want my children to respond to me when I am re-directing their behavior? Which behavior will I acknowledge and re-direct? How will I, as a human, find space to allow others their space (so long as they are not in danger or endangering others) to discover and re-discover!
We have the rare opportunity of growing a beard!!
I have been knowing, for some time now, the response I receive from my son is the response I give. My child is my closest mirror image, like no mirror can give such a clear image of who we are inside (underneath the visual).
Toddlers needs are simple and pure. He needs his parents to be interested in life. Interested in appropriate expression of emotions. Purposeful in understanding and discovering TRUTH-truth which eludes all confusion, internal and external.
This becomes clear to me when Lincoln reports a repeated skip on the dvd with his calm collective voice. Not once, but multiple times I continue to justify the extra time I am asking for by not responding right away. I agree, the child like the parents are prone to dictatorship behavior. When I do give him the moment he is asking for, I want to give completely 110% of my attention and care (without attachments). I have conducted research and found he will give me just as much time as I have given him.
How can we both get what we want without compromising our own joy?
I want clarity? Lincoln opened the screen door and rolled the yoga ball outside (where I don’t want it). Rather than responding to what the situation needed I reacted to my emotions. “DON’T DO THAT”, or similar words of disapproval come propelling out of my mussle. My husband brought it to my attention, my son had done something he was proud of. The situation was in need of my acknowledgement of his courage to discover and share. I only saw how I had spent money on the ball and didn’t want stickers to poke holes. As this is true, it is also true that the discovery Lincoln made was more important than the money (which he didn’t need to achieve his joy). Dad was a Super Helper today 🙂 “Good Job, Lincoln! You did that”, was my NEW response. The joy on his face was moving. Proof that my predictions where right on! Lincoln needs me to acknowledge his achievements in discovering and THEN redirect him if needed.
Lets say Lincoln throws something at his mommy. What can mommy do with a Progressive, Kinder, Wiser,Stronger attitude which communicates encouragement and progressive discovery of social boundaries?