Sunday Confessions…….without attachment!!

There is a moment before I decide to let my emotions dictate my words and actions OR…..I chose to notice my emotions with the least amount of attachment possible.   I rarely observe silence.  Attached to my perceived reality and emotions, I react in my environment.  Noticing my emotions and not being attached (responding to my environment) allows me freedom to observe and learn from my environment.  I too want a place we both can get what we want, without having to compromise our happiness, while allowing others and myself a moment…..

Esther and Jerry Hicks

book 2/ The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent p.10

………in a moment in time too short to measure-you reemerge back into the joyous, pure, Positive Energy perspective that is really who you are.


Our whole lives long we push on these boundaries (as if the boundary had a lever, which could break in the face of ignorance or lack of considerations for the other perspective).  In any case, the questions arises if I want to keep this relationship or terminate.  Terminating is also creating-creating space for a fresh perspective.  Allowing myself the option to change my mind, rediscover my boundaries and moral belief system, preceding with my perfect imagined life……day…..Moment!!

I too want a place we both can get what we want without compromising our happiness.

I need…..therefore attract to myself.
I want…..therefore attract to myself.
Be it want or need….which brings us to our current plight?  Sometimes I want a fight!  I show my teeth and overpower my perceived enemy.  I break…..I have no use for words.  They no longer have the power to heal.  Unable to communicate with words, my emotions take over.  I become animal (fucking and fighting).

I think about going to the Strip Club and my groin heats up.  My sexuality experiences a rush…..and sometimes a run-away!?  The last trip to the city was with the purpose of finding out as much information about the girls and the environment as I could.  I fumbled a few times.  I ignorantly asked if the girls drink alcohol there.  I am a babe in the woods at times!!  In fact, Lexi kept trying to interject with some info. and I interrupted her thrice times!  Finally, forcing (NOT ALLOWING) out the question which scored a point for the other team and….nearly attached to my next move.  Luckily,  I am equipped with lots of love for myself.   I gathered information, which was my goal.   Consciously aware of my purpose and armed with Pure Love Energy I discovered my current level of understanding is right where I Am, which will evolve into the space I AM.  Always, whether knowing or not, I am right where I am,  taking in and interpreting the environment (including myself).  After Lexi repeated herself, “You will get along here fine, so long as you mind your business.  I don’t know what the girls do!”  She was unaware of my personal preference in regards to alcohol.  Nor did she need me getting all philosophical while she exposed and all.  I haven’t bought or drank alcohol, since the last time, at which time I do not remember.  I like alcohol very much!  I was emotionally reacting to the alcohol when I asked about the free usage in the establishment.
My last words were, “Well, I’m not here to save anybody.”  I am still trying to figure that one out.  See….most of the time it is not about the other person but about what “I” am going through and how I AM receiving myself and the world around me.  If I allow others their perception then I can allow myself (in all my awkwardness and attachments).

Sometimes I trick myself into believing the opposing team made me feel Angry…..or Sad!  When in fact, I already felt that way.  When I experience joy, do I give credit to anyone but myself?  Heck NO!!  I DO NOT….!! I am on top of ALL, looking down, kingly like.  Perhaps my emotions could be indicators of potential growth.  Guides:  to deeper understanding of myself, to improving my communication skills with myself (firstly).

What I want might not be what the situation needs.  Lets say: I am fueled by an emotion.  I act out of turn (with the overwhelming desire to be the center of attention).  Someone has just shared with the group.  At the round table everyone gets a turn.  NOT SO FAST!!  If I haven’t a balance in my social and personal life I might be subjecting you to harsh, unsatisfying social event.  I was that person…..NOT TOO LONG AGO!!
This behavior affords me a family and hardly No Friends!  

While in a meeting, the nurse commented on how happy I AM.  I replied,  “This affords me a family and hardly NO Friends!”  I don’t even like some of my family.  Who else could I treat so inconsiderately and inappropriately?   My grandmother often speaks to me with lack of understanding and self-control.  I love her anyway!  I pity her, and while that is not operable for anyone, I allow her.  I see better who I want to be.   Through contrast I discover and rediscover my desire for life itself.

Family (my perfect imagined family), loves me even when I can not!  The most intimate of time spent with your immediate family.  Development of our communication starts with the relationship with our mothers.  Some of our mothers are not invited to our perfect imagined moment.  When they happen to come by unannounced while….. “ON ONE” (demonstrating combative, non-progressive efforts toward our perfect imagined life), I get armored up!  I visualize wrapping myself with a fair, non-attached pity.  I understand my journey today is not to try to convince those around me of the life I think they should be leading.  I share not with them the esoteric knowledge.  They do not receive my words.  I believe the power in my words can heal….Only the one attracting that which is like unto itself.  And it is clear (to me), those who can not receive me in my pure essence will enjoy my armor of non-attached pity.  (Pity for now), until I am feeling more progressive.



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