Wendsday Wisdom….On Tuesday!!

DISCLAIMER:  These thoughts are my thoughts, blended with some other thoughts floating around the universe.  I am not responsible for any judgement you might have upon reading into my creative expression.   If your purpose is to critique my expression, Please, keep reading.  I welcome editorial advice.  My husband would like editor role.  I have put words to my understandings and investigations.  Words can only do so much, especially if they are misused.  I do not attempt to persuade you any way.  It is my hope to discover myself in the characters that I use.  While searching for appropriate placement of them characters, I can combine them to make one.  The characters that don’t fit my desires today can have no tea.  I won’t open the door for them.  At my house, open invitation is negotiable.  Lets meet at a cafe instead 🙂

The world is a pit.  You got to take your torch with you.  Discover the tools you might need for the job.  Play with the tools at home before using them in the world.  Tell your husband first.  Don’t pipe up in company about something which has not been previously discussed with your husband.  Most all matters of the heart are carefully exposed and examined with those you trust.

There are lots of angry people out there.  Humans have to work hard at entertaining the destructive. When we get bored, rather than find something we are good at, destruction takes its suited place.  People who love, bring light into a world so dark.  Passion in its destructive form (anger) brings darkness to all who experience it.  Trust is delicate and effective.

Before we do anything we have to learn to listen, so others will talk….AND, talk so others will listen!!

In life, we create a stroke.  Not without regard to the previous stroke, we create another stroke.  The previous stroke receives the current stroke.  Complimentary to each other, not forgetting where you came from and where you ARE,  acceptance and proper placement of the brush will grow into a fully saturated space.  Each stoke of the creative brush made possible through love (desire to live).

If you know what you don’t want you can better know what you want!!

I have found peace by diligently searching through creative efforts.  I knew being an addict was not going to be the end to the beginning of the rest of my life.  For me, the baseboard is understanding my fears.  I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!!  Without a purpose you can’t safely investigate the boundaries.   There are no boundaries.  IS THIS TRUE FOR YOU?

Addicts are without a clear purpose of the relationships.  The sickness spills out amongst the undirected, unnurtured, bored individuals.  We start off as high as we are ever going to be.  Addicts believe they are functional in the begin, all the while you are roaring with motivation. The thoughts of an addict are consumed with the anticipation of the next high. I thought I was my most attractive, while using.  It took time to talk myself out of that one.  I still trick myself into believing skinny is beautiful. The quickest place speed will get you is in the dentist chair!  Luckily, the search for that unattainable high only lasted as long as the teeth falling out of my 25-year-old head. You got where you are from boredom.  You where bored, unable to tap into your creative self, attracting bored people.  Some of the greatest people are addicts.  That is the part I don’t understand.  How did we get so far from home?  Did Hansel forget the rocks.  Is life just shit and hopeless?   What do we say to our idle minds.? Focus or get off the pot!!   If I focus that much energy into discovering myself I just might….just might, LIVE FOREVER!!  Seven years of my youth was spent preparing me for the yearning adventure my wildest dreams could not imagine.

The only thing wrong with marijuana are the social involvements engaged in for the sole purpose of acquiring marijuana!!  Misuse of such medicine can make you sick.  Overdosing on caffine can give you a headache.  The question I have: Can someone, like myself, get further in life by quitting coffee?

WARNING: MEDICAL USE OF MARIJUANA IS PROHIBITED, IN THE OPINIONS OF CLOSED MINDED FOLK!!  WHICH EVER CATAGORIE YOU FALL UNDER IS NO CONCERN OF MINE.  I AM HERE TO DISCOVER WHAT DOSE OF MEDICINE I NEED.  I AM TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS AND HOLD NO ONE AT FAULT, NOR GIVE THEM CREDIT, FOR MY CREATIVE EXPERIENCE!!

You don’t gain anything by ACTING IGNORANT!!

I should fuck my message therapist before the message. We need to get past the primitive before any progressive therapy can begin.   Once the sexuality is addressed, everything else is appropriately examined. IS THAT TRUE?   Luckily, my misuse is my husband.

I distract myself when I can’t focus.  If my thoughts are too heavy in either way, progressive or destructive, I distract.  I have to remind myself to not taking everything personally.  Living in the world of discovery allows for hardly any friends.  The world and the people in it go round and round.  It is beautiful when we are able to take a turn.  A chance to share.  A space to create or destroy.  Or…destroy while creating?

I wonder…..will I be the woman I already am?  Discovering and rediscovering ways to pass the wand of power, between my husband and I firstly. Notice the boys shirt buttoned and doesn’t match his socks because one sock is striped and the other mommies.  Five years of ongoing therapy to understand that I don’t want to offend the muses by stomping out creativity, from myself or others.  The boy is 2 years old.  Let him run and rejoice in his glory,  even if it is in church, while we all stand and rejoice in the pure love of a child. , searching for the pure love in us. The love we were born with and ever since been trying to obtain.  As attached beings, we hit rock bottom before searching for a way back, so do all humans on a spiritual quest.  My life changed at the age of 29.  I became a mother, not only to myself, to my husband and son as well.

At which point are you going to accept the help.  You are attracting that which you are receiving.  Each time you land in jail you are asking for help, up until you get out of jail!  I landed a good job.  Knowing I would be drug tested, I consumed meth two days before orientation.  After being dismissed to the lab, I spoke out.  I knew I could not do it on my own.  In verbally expressing to a stranger, who might give a shit, I created a new trust with myself.

It is NOT up to me when or how you are going to say it. It is up to me to allow you the freedom in which I want for myself.  A safe place to express ourselves is without attachment to others opinion of you.  Even within a nurturing family environment, one can feel alienated and self-conscious.  When the creative portal is held open for the proper amount of time and at the cross roads of life or death, healing can begin.  Insights are gained.  The world, for a moment, is uninvited.  Things start to make sense.

Today my purpose is clear…..WRITE…WRITE AND WRITE!!  I currently have many journals, composition books and sometimes anything else with space receives my expression.  My white board and refrigerator are full of words, numbers and everything dangerous to a feeble mind.  The first journal I open upon waking is my dream journal. My goal is to have a morning journal, where I write three pages.  Two pages of bullshit and one page or more of self realization.  It takes me two pages before I get to the good stuff.  Sometimes I don’t stop until I’m finished. A piece of art work is never finished.  You just stop working on it!!  I would like to write in my sons journal at least once a week.  A journal for taking notes during sex.  JK !! I take notes while my husband and I discover life together, whether through focus study of material or free-lance jive!!

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5 responses to “Wendsday Wisdom….On Tuesday!!

  1. hi love, you do have a way with words for sure, do these words help you to discover who you are, maybe. Is it worth the effort, maybe. Is it possible to write without attachment, probably not.

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