I’ve been marked

He represents all the dark and dreadful things in my life.  Six years of sobriety and the wounds of my life as an addict open up from time to time.  I was thinking my nightmares would possibly subside if only I could turn this mark on me into something beautiful. A constant reminder of the existence I chose while using methamphetamines.

In my sleep state I met up with the monster who tacked me in many different way.  I can hardly distinguish the dream from my life today.  We met up in a field. I wasn’t alone and neither was he.  The guardian in my dream (my hubby) lifted me up by my butt-cheek and shoved me along, saying, “Come on, move! Don’t stop, keep walking.”  As I briskly walked up the hill, I turned a 360 and there he was, not 15 yards away, smiling a half calked joker smile and waving his hand in an open closed manner.

My conscious mind has come to the resolve that I was romantisizing yesterday about getting this tat covered up. And by chance, I had the encounter with my arch-enemy.  It is true, I believe and though it shall be!  If I believe something is true, as I believe this tat has some amount of power, than so it shall be.  I want to understand and investigate if there is some deeper truth down inside me somewhere, as often there is only one set of eyes that see and the eye which knows all is disregarded or feared.

When I was chasing the dragon, consuming as much Meth as I could get my nose to, I could never be alone (not for one minute).  I was wearing a cut off shirt in which my breast were exposed.  I think, I constantly chased after the boys and offered them sex because I didn’t want to take the time to understand my feelings.  This is what I was taught by my parents.  My mother who had many men and my father whom I helped cheat on my step-mother.  Both of my parents had drug and alcohol dependencies.  I was destined to figure out through much trial and error which path could bring true happiness.  Gods be good !!

It’s obvious to me that I have veered off the subject.

But not unrelated.

Every time I think of or am asked about this tat, I am reminded of this prick.  I think it would be refreshing to give myself what I want.  I want to break the spell.  And I believe the spell is cast by me and me alone!! Wow, I feel better all ready!!

May I discover what will relieve me from myself.

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