Emotional Breakdown………take 1 million !!

It doesn’t help when my grandmother asks me if I am pregnant.  Even though she never fails to mention my weight.  I hope the neighbor lady is embarrassed, she also asked me if I was pregnant.  Really, I haven’t gained enough weight for someone to say such hurtful things to me.  I would never ask that question, unless it was clearly obvious!!

So here I am, overly self-conscious and desiring to lose 20 lbs.

I often wear clothing that is comfortable and sometimes sexy.  If I am in a confident and strong state of mind, I will go to the store looking a little slutty.

All day yesterday, I wore a stretchy skin-tight dress which showed my cleavage and possibly a bit more.  My husband admired me in it, as did the people at the grocery store.  Before we went in, my hubby says, “Do you want to go be single for a minute?” (meaning if I wanted to go in alone)  I was in no condition emotionally to do such a thing.  It is true that he was picking up on my dilemma.

I can often look to my body for help.  My shoulders were tight and my walk was bogged down.  I stopped in the isle, turned toward my husband and gave an epic stretch arching my back, pulling my chin up and reaching out with palms facing up.  I followed the stretch by standing straight and alternately reaching, as if climbing a rope.  This is an excellent stretch for me in relieving anxiety.

Hubby started looking me up and down and giving expressions of disapproval.  I began to look around wondering what he was referring to.  In my mind, he was saying I was fat and even though that is not at all how he has ever spoken to me, I began to once again develop a position against all those who had previously offended me and take it out on him. I took our son and myself to the car while hubby shopped.

I could spend a life time braking down his and others actions.  Whether  the actions of others or the displacement of my emotions, I must find it in my power to allow people theirs and find mine.  It is solely up to me to decide if I am going to allow others to dictate my happiness.  For goodness sakes, if I leave it up to others I would be one miserable women.

Besides, I believe in being healthy.  Exercise and a good appetite to sooth the soul.  I ride my bicycle all over town.  I have a great sex life.  I want to enjoy and embrace the realized women I know I am.  I want to be aware of my emotions and what they are telling me about my current experience.


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