Questions and Answers…..and how I receive contrast!!

Two years after I sobered up, I began a journey of new awareness in social dynamics.  I needed something from these people and they needed something from me.  Do You ever consider the position you have as manager at your department store meant for someone else?  I mean…perhaps, the job flipping burgers at McDognuts you already had (in high school I worked for Sonic).  The night job, especially, was better for the high school student than a wife and mother.  There are exceptions (open-minded acceptance to discovering new and evolving understanding of life experiences).   A self-awareness and purpose.  Questions and Answers(discovering new confidence in my belief system).

Who is playing the husband and so forth.  It is not so much about the drug but the relationships.  Max celebrates a life today!  One year since April and determined to find a better way to live.  It wasn’t necessarily the drug. The drug did have its influences and temptations.  Max’s marriage was over.  He lost his career.  His relationships had failed him.  Everything life had to offer was bullshit.  How is it anything else could not distract better than a hit of Meth?   The first thing that has to go is the Drug.  Only then could I  guide myself to the truth, with the help of others of course (Homer, The New Testament, Cervantes and many others, living and dead).  I often see myself in others.  Yikes!!! Penelope is a wonderful wife and mother to Odysseus and Telemichose.

Basically, I believe it was about my relationship with myself.  Since I was of age and out on my own with programing which was helpful in showing me who I didn’t want to be.  Gods be good.  I am breathing the pure love energy and am my master creator.  I was searching-always searching-searching for purpose, religion, family, control over my reactions to life, acceptance in my suffering…..searching for freewill and choice; accepting the result as contrast (contrast helps me see better who I am.  It is one of the clues which will guide me to my perfect imagined life).  Without contrast life would be boring!

I was not prepared for the world.  For the world as I had perfectly imagined it to be was not at all what I wanted.  I seek out acceptance in my roles (as a child, spouse, parent, and any other perceived reality one might experience).  Still an infant in my relationships I was left for the wolves.  Seeking the perfect imagined father in men that where unable to provide me with my perfect imagined life.  Three months and I would find myself shacked up with yet another unavailable, abusive abstractions of my father.  I didn’t really know, but I knew-knew there had to be something better than before.  Before, in the first moment of my first breath, we know more than anyone else.  I started forgetting from that moment on.  Forgetting whence I came.  From a pure energy non-physical place, where I am ever-evolving.

Perhaps, the high rate of unemployment and social security is due to the lack of purpose in our parents lives.  Spiritual poverty affects Western Civilization more than material poverty affects Eastern Civilization.  My grandparents, at least, could provide me with a safe environment with food on the table(I love eating at the table), while teaching me a bit about respecting my elders.

Now that I have life experience (my life with my father started when I was 10 years-old) revealing things to me in questions about my relationships-relationships past and current, I am discovering and living my Perfect Imagined Life.  I know better now,  my grandmothers love, even when received through the leather belt or raw hand, had love behind it (misdirected at times).  While I encompass life and receive myself in loving understanding, underdeveloped am I at times.  The only reason her and I have a relationship today, one which I have choices in, is because of my radical acceptance.  I respect  her as a mother, wife and understand her as a women (as best I can, which is exactly where I am……

RIGHT WHERE I AM, OBSERVING AND GATHERING-gathering TRUTH about myself, NESTING AND PROVIDING-providing a haven fortress for me and my family,  ALLOWING and RECEIVING-receiving the grace of the Gods.  Receiving the EVER EVOLVING UNIVERSE with me a part of the outcome!!

Amen!?

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2 responses to “Questions and Answers…..and how I receive contrast!!

  1. Well love, This is pretty good. I guess we all get caught up in the roles we are expected to play and when we play them long enough and hard enough, we begin to think that we are the role. But then the world takes that role away and sometimes we are so identified with the role that we die. But sometimes we are able to let the role go and find that we are something else. And how we live the rest of our lives will depend on the value judgement we make of this something else. Then at some point we stop making value judgments and become truly free and happy.

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